What's Up With: Restaurant Bathroom Attendants?

Tricked out bathroom  

By James Mulcahy

The other night we were dining at a restaurant that was super trendy but far from fine dining. We excused ourselves from the table to use the restroom, and upon entering the men's we were greeted by a sight that provokes a complicated and unpleasant series of emotions: a bathroom attendant. Upon encountering an employee dishing out towels and mints in the loo, it is common to experience one of three reactions:

1. Panic/Guilt - You forgot your wallet at the table and are going to have to do the awkward shuffle out the door after washing your hands, as he silently scolds you with his eyes for not dropping a dollar in the basket. Running back to the table and getting your wallet would be tacky, plus you have to go! What to do?!?

2. Dread/Anger - If you do have your wallet, the dread begins to surface as you approach the sink. Why do you have to give this guy a dollar for putting a dab of soap on your hands when you can easily do it yourself? Does the action of handing you a towel really merit a buck in the age of robotic dispensers? And, does anyone actually use the bottle of Drakkar Noir that's probably been half-full since 1993?

3. Pity - It's this guy's job to stand in the BATHROOM. A dollar isn't nearly enough for what he has to deal with. Yeah, he can probably help himself to all the individually wrapped life savers he can handle, but still... 

Note to restaurants: let's do away with all of this awkwardness. The age of the bathroom attendant is over. It's one thing to have one in an old-timey fine-dining eatery as kind of a period piece, like a fish spoon or beef wellington. But at a normal eatery - does anyone actually even like having an attendant in the restroom. Here's our proposal - limit bathroom attendants to restaurants channeling the Mad Men era and nightclubs (they have to make sure no funny business is going on in the stalls - sniff sniff).

When we're out at the restaurant for dinner, we think we can "attend" to our business all on our own.

What do you think about restaurant bathroom attendants? Let us know in the comments.