|Party at GoldBar|
“I just graduated from Michigan and am celebrating my new job at Credit Suisse.”
Where? Brother Jimmy's Union Square
Why? Looking to fist pump in a sports bar with everyone you know? Gel that hair and text your ZBT frat bros, the party is on. If it’s a game day, don your blue and yellow. All new York-based Michigan grads will cheer on the team here or at Professor Thoms. And since this bar has "brother" in the name, it's perfectly acceptable to call every man, woman and child bro.
“I just landed from Italy with a pocketful of cash and want champagne sprayed all over me to cure my jet lag."
Where? Brasserie Beaumarchais
Why? It’s the steadfast midday spot to pop Balthazar-sized bottles of champagne and dance on tables in a room full of hot Euros looking to get wild, Meatpacking-style. Does champagne spray actually cure jet lag? No. Does it matter?
“I’m so over my birthday this year that we should ironically celebrate not celebrating."
Where? Union Pool
Why? PBRs, Fire pit, el Diablo taco truck, backyard, photo booth—the hipster home of ironic debauchery. Everyone is so over this place that they are into it again.
“I just bagged the biggest quail on Uncle Conrad’s hunting trip.”
Why? The longtime haunt for popped collars and cable knit sweaters to swig beers and reminisce about the good 'ol days at Deerfield.
“I just launched my second app.”
Where? Tom and Jerry's
Why? Noho’s watering hole for the tech scene, filled with startup and media guys sitting around comparing strategies while they simultaneously text, Tweet and Tumble. Drinks purchased with leftover venture capital never tasted so good.
"Ça va? Je suis full of ennui. Le sigh.”
Where? Le Baron
Why? The Parisian outpost where sexy, in-the-know French, fashion and art figures mingle in the tri-level 70s-era Saigon lounge. It may not make the existentially bored Parisian clubgoer smile, but it's considered the current bastion of cool for those in the scene.
“It’s my third engagement party and I’m trying to keep it classy.”
Where? Rose Bar
Why? Surrounded by a gold-leaf Warhol prints, Schnabel paintings, velvet chairs and flutes of beer, this is the right spot for a classy adult soiree.
“Yeah, I just dumped my third fiancé for this model I met at Rose Bar engagement party, come meet her!”
Why With gold skulls in the walls, gold chains, gold ceilings, and gold (honey) cocktails, Goldbar is all gaudy-bling and shallow fling. Face it, you're not meant to settle down.
“All I do is LIN LIN LIN.”
Why? Sports players notoriously head to one (or any) of Noah Tepperberg's spots to unwind after the big games. Lin has been recently spotted at Avenue celebrating the Knicks' victories with his teammates. No one will judge you as you jump up and down on the dance floor and shout things like "Yo, yo, you - I'm going LINSANE!!"